Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
