$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
