somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
