Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
