please come you make the beer taste better
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
