i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
