so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
