If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Randomize
