i think my tv is drunk
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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