rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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