I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
