sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
