butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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