Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
