They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
