she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
