I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
