come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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