dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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