dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Watching her eat just hurts me
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
last night I used snow as a chaser
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