considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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