New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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