so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
