My hand turned me down
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
