A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
