pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
