The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
