some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
