well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
