and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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