I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Found your dick twin last night
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
