You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
