I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
