While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
