did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
