Barsexuality is the new black.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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