I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
