Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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