Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
