I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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