i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
