party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
