YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
