I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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