She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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