people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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