just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
