i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
