I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I am naked and annoyed.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
