I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
