Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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