That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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