so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
