i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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